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shall i use this lazy sunday afternoon to make my first post in ages? i think that i shall. i have been thinking about ye olde livejournal a lot lately, and it sure beats trolling social networks for things to occupy my interest. was it always this difficult? i think not. a little while ago, justin theorized that as lovely as our apartment is, it is not very conductive to the creative pursuits. being contrary, i disagreed, but it's honestly difficult to fault the evidence. a big part of it is, without a doubt, the fact that it is difficult to be alone in a studio apartment and, generally speaking, i am not very creative with other people around. it's not as though i need lots of space, just, like, a door to shut.

maybe that's just an excuse though. i'm afraid that i'm terribly good at coming up with excueses, even if i don't really want to hear them.

additionally, there is the fact that i don't feel terribly interesting these days. i work. i sleep. i read books. i consume lots of pop culture via the television and the radio and magazines and the internet. but, i assume, so do you. of course, i'm not delustional enough to think that my comings and goings were ever terribly interesting, but maybe i just used to be a lot more self-absorbed? and from that perspective, not wanting to make tons of self-referential, navel-gazey entries is really a sign of growth? i don't know. but, even with my best intentions, a simple state-of-life post naturally morphs into self-referential and navely-gazey entry focused on why i don't write here anymore. argh!

but yeah. i'm good. work is okay, if a little scary in the sense that there's a chance the budget will get cut in july and people will get fired. i think that i've logged enough seniority that i don't have to worry, but it's difficult not to have a few panicky thoughts. although part of me also thinks that getting laid off would be a hella good reason to finally get out of new york. which i think about doing all the time anyway. because i love/hate it here, but can't imagine spending the rest of forever here.

um, i got some tax money back. i'm going to be responsible and pay off my credit cards, and cross my fingers and hope that maybe i have enough left over to buy a new computer. which i need, but don't really need. meaning my computer is slow and annoying, but at least it still turns on and functions okay once it gets going. i'm more of a keep-using-and-complaining-until-it-totally-craps-out sort of girl. but if i have the money now, shouldn't i spend it on the computer, instead of waiting for the crap out, which just might come when things are leaner? plus, if i don't spend the tax return on something big, i'm afraid i will just fritter it away, which i don't want to do. so, we'll see. i'm going to pay rent and bills and things tonight and we'll see what's leftover.

this week, i am only working on monday and tuesday. i didn't make plans for the time off, because my mom was maybe going to come visit. now she isn't and i try to convince myself that i'm going to be a spontaneous-trip-taker - i want to see the abraham lincoln exhibit at the smithsonian - but probably it'll be more staycation style.

now i will end abruptly, because i have no attention span anymore. that might be a factor in things too.


Mar. 30th, 2009 12:20 am (UTC)
I need my own space/room to be creative. I negotiated that back when Matt first suggested that we live together. It was a little awkward to say that I didn't want to share an office with him and wanted the room all to myself. But I'm glad that I put my foot down about that early on, so now it's just assumed as a basic necessity. It ensures a happy marriage.

I didn't post on LJ for a while because I thought my posts were too uninteresting. But at the nudging of some folks who missed my LJ posts I started posting again more frequently.

I like reading your LJ posts. :)
Mar. 30th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
i think space is more important than we sometimes realize ... fortunately justin understands. he wants his own room too. which is just difficult here, and is another reason to think of moving.
i'm glad you still post. i'm going to try to do so more too!

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