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shall i use this lazy sunday afternoon to make my first post in ages? i think that i shall. i have been thinking about ye olde livejournal a lot lately, and it sure beats trolling social networks for things to occupy my interest. was it always this difficult? i think not. a little while ago, justin theorized that as lovely as our apartment is, it is not very conductive to the creative pursuits. being contrary, i disagreed, but it's honestly difficult to fault the evidence. a big part of it is, without a doubt, the fact that it is difficult to be alone in a studio apartment and, generally speaking, i am not very creative with other people around. it's not as though i need lots of space, just, like, a door to shut.

maybe that's just an excuse though. i'm afraid that i'm terribly good at coming up with excueses, even if i don't really want to hear them.

additionally, there is the fact that i don't feel terribly interesting these days. i work. i sleep. i read books. i consume lots of pop culture via the television and the radio and magazines and the internet. but, i assume, so do you. of course, i'm not delustional enough to think that my comings and goings were ever terribly interesting, but maybe i just used to be a lot more self-absorbed? and from that perspective, not wanting to make tons of self-referential, navel-gazey entries is really a sign of growth? i don't know. but, even with my best intentions, a simple state-of-life post naturally morphs into self-referential and navely-gazey entry focused on why i don't write here anymore. argh!

but yeah. i'm good. work is okay, if a little scary in the sense that there's a chance the budget will get cut in july and people will get fired. i think that i've logged enough seniority that i don't have to worry, but it's difficult not to have a few panicky thoughts. although part of me also thinks that getting laid off would be a hella good reason to finally get out of new york. which i think about doing all the time anyway. because i love/hate it here, but can't imagine spending the rest of forever here.

um, i got some tax money back. i'm going to be responsible and pay off my credit cards, and cross my fingers and hope that maybe i have enough left over to buy a new computer. which i need, but don't really need. meaning my computer is slow and annoying, but at least it still turns on and functions okay once it gets going. i'm more of a keep-using-and-complaining-until-it-totally-craps-out sort of girl. but if i have the money now, shouldn't i spend it on the computer, instead of waiting for the crap out, which just might come when things are leaner? plus, if i don't spend the tax return on something big, i'm afraid i will just fritter it away, which i don't want to do. so, we'll see. i'm going to pay rent and bills and things tonight and we'll see what's leftover.

this week, i am only working on monday and tuesday. i didn't make plans for the time off, because my mom was maybe going to come visit. now she isn't and i try to convince myself that i'm going to be a spontaneous-trip-taker - i want to see the abraham lincoln exhibit at the smithsonian - but probably it'll be more staycation style.

now i will end abruptly, because i have no attention span anymore. that might be a factor in things too.

Comments

quietjenn
Mar. 30th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
ah, thanks billy. much love to you too, of course.
you guys better kick some trivial ass (as if there's any doubt).

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