i am really freaking tired and i cannot fall asleep.
it is very, very sad-making.

shall i use this lazy sunday afternoon to make my first post in ages? i think that i shall. i have been thinking about ye olde livejournal a lot lately, and it sure beats trolling social networks for things to occupy my interest. was it always this difficult? i think not. a little while ago, justin theorized that as lovely as our apartment is, it is not very conductive to the creative pursuits. being contrary, i disagreed, but it's honestly difficult to fault the evidence. a big part of it is, without a doubt, the fact that it is difficult to be alone in a studio apartment and, generally speaking, i am not very creative with other people around. it's not as though i need lots of space, just, like, a door to shut.

maybe that's just an excuse though. i'm afraid that i'm terribly good at coming up with excueses, even if i don't really want to hear them.

additionally, there is the fact that i don't feel terribly interesting these days. i work. i sleep. i read books. i consume lots of pop culture via the television and the radio and magazines and the internet. but, i assume, so do you. of course, i'm not delustional enough to think that my comings and goings were ever terribly interesting, but maybe i just used to be a lot more self-absorbed? and from that perspective, not wanting to make tons of self-referential, navel-gazey entries is really a sign of growth? i don't know. but, even with my best intentions, a simple state-of-life post naturally morphs into self-referential and navely-gazey entry focused on why i don't write here anymore. argh!

but yeah. i'm good. work is okay, if a little scary in the sense that there's a chance the budget will get cut in july and people will get fired. i think that i've logged enough seniority that i don't have to worry, but it's difficult not to have a few panicky thoughts. although part of me also thinks that getting laid off would be a hella good reason to finally get out of new york. which i think about doing all the time anyway. because i love/hate it here, but can't imagine spending the rest of forever here.

um, i got some tax money back. i'm going to be responsible and pay off my credit cards, and cross my fingers and hope that maybe i have enough left over to buy a new computer. which i need, but don't really need. meaning my computer is slow and annoying, but at least it still turns on and functions okay once it gets going. i'm more of a keep-using-and-complaining-until-it-totally-craps-out sort of girl. but if i have the money now, shouldn't i spend it on the computer, instead of waiting for the crap out, which just might come when things are leaner? plus, if i don't spend the tax return on something big, i'm afraid i will just fritter it away, which i don't want to do. so, we'll see. i'm going to pay rent and bills and things tonight and we'll see what's leftover.

this week, i am only working on monday and tuesday. i didn't make plans for the time off, because my mom was maybe going to come visit. now she isn't and i try to convince myself that i'm going to be a spontaneous-trip-taker - i want to see the abraham lincoln exhibit at the smithsonian - but probably it'll be more staycation style.

now i will end abruptly, because i have no attention span anymore. that might be a factor in things too.

oh, livejournal. how do i neglect thee? maybe if i were were a resolution-making sort of girl, i might vow to be better in the new year. maybe i am a resolution-making sort of girl and i have made that vow, but only unofficially because i don't want the guilt if/when i fall once again into neglect. i have missed you though. yes, i might flirt with blogger and twitter, it's you i always come back to eventually. i am a creature of habit, or something.

in any case, friends i hope you have been well. i do still read and on occassion comment, so i am sort of up to speed. and if you have not been well, i am sorry and hope for good things in this new year. yes, it's corny and essentially just another day, not all that different from the one that came before it or the one that will follow. but still.

and in the grand tradition, which really isn't all that grand, but is one of my little rituals, i offer you the list of books i read in last year, without elaboration. although if you are quite interested, maybe you should befriend me on goodreads, where another not-resolution will be to actually offer commentary. with regards to this list, it's really heavy on the kidlit and mysteries, indicating that i spent the year a) trying to be a with-it professional and b) did a lot of comfort reading. also, as per usual, if features me going on a lot of author-kicks. also, it's really difficult to believe that those "begining of the year" books were read just a year ago. a rather long year ago.

( 2008 list - sorry for the inevitable typos )

happy doesn't even begin to cover it.

hi.
i am alive.
summer reading was crazy, maybe with a k.
i have a lot of mosquito bites.
i dyed my hair pink.
i hate paying bills.
terry gross is the shit.
playing the wii is fun and occupies too much of my time.
i have a lot of things checked out from the library and all my dvds are overdue.
this week my branch is closed, so i'm working in a new branch, in a new neighborhood, of which i haven't quite decided what to think.
my current, unofficial uniform is via old navy.
i like old school british mysteries that no one has ever heard of.
i am entirely too prone to nostalgia.

okay, so i'm not generally one for the whole squeeing, "omg, how cute is this?" sort of thing, but, um ... yeah. this is maybe the most adorable thing i have ever seen. or at least the most adorable thing in a long, long time. it has made me happy all day. i love you, cindrella!

cake for dinner isn't quite on the same level as beer for breakfast. but it's still pretty trashy.
nevertheless, tonight was the second night in a row. it isn't even very good cake. it's simply the path of minimal effort.
i'm not proud, but at least i can be honest.

thing i need: to talk to a school librarian. can anyone put me in contact with one who would be willing to answer a few questions?
thing i have no interest in seeing and am already sick of hearing about: sex in the city, the movie
thing i am geekily excited about and counting the minutes until: national spelling bee finals on abc
thing i don't have: something to eat for dinner
thing i am not prepared for: the program i am supposed to do tomorrow
thing i am reading that i want to recommend to everyone already, even though i'm not even halfway through: little brother by cory doctorow
thing on tv this week that made me curse the screen: top chef (how the hell is lisa still around?)
thing on tv this week that made me happier than i should be willing to admit: the paper
thing i really ought to do but will probably fall asleep on the couch before i do: clean the kitchen
thing i drank too much of today: coffee
thing i am ridiculously annoyed by: people

... growing up/playing in gym class, was it called bombardment or dodge ball?

so, slow news day abc? well, at least you made me laugh.

other things that are awesome, in no particular order:
berries being in season
wandering aimlessly about the city and exploring new neighborhoods
y: the last man
sammy keyes mysteries
shiny hair
planning fun things for the summer reading program
outdoor seating
going to see my bloody valentine in september
digby (the ipod i bought with this year's tax rebate)

things that are not awesome, in no particular order:
crappy jobs (not mine, but i sympathize)
when your work schedule gets randomly changed and no one bothers to tell you
wet socks
pms
the rapid accumulation of dirty dishes
the discontinuation of trader joe's essential shampoo and conditioner ($2 a pop, in the blue bottle)

so far today, i have spilled coffee (twice), ran into a file cabinet and knocked over a chair. and it is only 9:46 in the morning, which means i've only been at work for sixteen minutes.
and do i even have to mention the rainy commute here?
it seems today is, in fact, going to be one of these days.
man, i hope no one shows up for storytime.

on the radio, they just started playing one of my favorite superchunk songs, which I don't think i've ever heard on the radio. because
there were no college radio stations accessible to me in my youth. oh, satellite radio, i do love thee.

anyway, I am taking it as a good sign for the day.  i feel chipper. it's not just the music though. the coffee and the fact that i don't have to work again until thursday helps too. work is okay - except for the a few, regular patrons who consistently make me stabby - and i actually got a wee bit of a raise, which is stellar. and yet. a little draining and humdrum. i need a spark, because right now i don't have it.

i do though have gerbils! two, who have been dubbed tweak and gertrude. it's rather novel to me, because i was never allowed to have them, or any rodentlike creature, when i was little. we were not pet people until i was in high school. what i really wanted was the guinea pig, because of it's epic cuteness, but starting small seemed the way to go.

the other day, j. baked me a cake. it is tasty.

how is it that i have never before known about the san serriffe hoax? i am boggled by the brilliance.

for a while now, i have been thinking of doing a "favorite things" post - sort of like oprah, but without the gifting and the self-righteousness. it's a nice little way to sum up the year that was, which is the sort of thing everyone likes to do round about now. in thinking about what should go on it, i realize that it necessarily skews towards the more recent, mostly because my memory is not so keen, despite crossword puzzles and the like. oh well.

30 rock - i probably should have loved it from the beginning, being the brainchild of perennial girl-crush tina fey. however, it took a while, perhaps because i have an inordinate reluctance to embrace all things baldwin. once I succumbed though, such pleasures it bestowed.

agatha christie - if you read the book post, you know all about this already.

asian horror movies - yes, the japanese ones get all the glory, what with that penchant hollywood had a few years ago for remaking them, but my netflix queue tells me that the korean ones are really where it's at.

the dewey divas and the dude - as mentioned a while ago, this blog by canadian publisher's reps was perhaps my favorite source of book recommendations, round the middle of the year and they are directly responsible for many reading delights. lately the popular kids have taken notice, so good for them. i loved you first though, so won't you consider marrying me and whisking me across the border? It has always been my not-so-secret desire to call the land of the maple leaf home.

feist - you know it's saying something when the ubiquitous playing of "1-2-3-4" on the ipod commercial doesn't make me hate the song. plus, she's canadian, i listened to her a lot whilst riding the train and she sparkles.

jezebel - i am not cool or snarky enough to comment, and i sort of want to hate anything to do with gawker, but i haunt it daily. and the newish feature on "books of our youth" makes me want to forget about the newly published and just read everything i loved before age twelve.

peanut butter - there is a girl who comes into the library almost every day after school. she has culinary aspirations and as such is always telling me about things she has made. often these things are baked, and i in turn mention things that I have made or baked. one day she observed, "i don't like peanut butter. you really do." this was following the conversation about pies we had at thanksgiving and it was sort of an epiphany moment, because i realized, "yes. i really, really do. however could i have forgotten?"

pie - yes, cupcakes continue to get all the glory (and they are tasty; especially red velvet ones from that bakery in forest hills), but really pie is where it's at. and entertainment weekly agrees, so you know it must be true.

pop candy - the blog on usa today makes me feel much more in-the-know than i actually am.

ricky gervais - i knew he was genius and funny, but i didn't realize how much so until the extras dvds came into my living room.

san francisco - i finally visited in the spring. it's as fantastic as i'd heard and i think i love it.

scrabulous - a gimme, seeing as how i talk about it all the time. but is truly an addiction. although i think maybe it's reached a tipping point and my play is suffering as a result. but still.

slings and arrows - you are brilliant! and canadian! and i heart every single person who starred in/wrote for/directed you!

moral of this blog (to steal from my beloved matthew): i should move to canada.

so, the last day of the year means time to post the list of books i read in '07. i just popped it up onto poor, neglected bibliofiend. i'm sure it's probably riddled with errors, as i typed it up at four o'clock this morning, when i was oh-so-tired but just couldn't get to sleep. i'll cut it, here, but past experience has taught me that people like a little summation, so ...

this was, without question, the year that agatha christie ruled. it was completely unintentional too. i picked up the first one because i didn't have anything with me to read at lunchtime, and after that i just couldn't stop. that lady was like crack. the other author who should get a lot of attention is mary wesley, whom i discovered via a post on the blog the dewey divas and the dude, which i was really in love with for a while. i still think it's aces, but they haven't been quite so posty. in any case, i read all the wesley's i could track down with ease. there's a few that i'm going to have to break down and buy, i think.

i sort of hate doing the favorite thing, but feel slightly compelled to anyway. thus, my favorite reads of the year (excluding christie and wesley), broken down slightly and then not really ordered:

childrens & y.a. books
the house of arden & the railway children by e. nesbit, the green glass sea by ellen klages, the goose girl & enna burning by shannon hale, cures for heartbreak by margo rabb, luxe by anna godbersen, hero by perry moore, wicked lovely by melissa marr, naomi and ely's no kiss list by rachel cohn and david levithan, diary of a wimpy kid by jeff kinney, the absolutely true diary of a part-time indian by sherman alexie and the adventures of captain underpants by dav pilkey
oh, and harry potter and the deathly hallows by j.k. rowling. how i forgot to put that here the first time around i am not sure.

y.a. books that won't be out until 2008, but which you should totally read and/or buy when they do
a little friendly advice by siobhan vivian and a curse as dark as gold by elizabeth c. bunce

grown-up books
the end of mr. y by scarlett thomas, on the naive but honourable self-determination of teenage girls by amber gayle, lullabies for little criminals by heather o'neil, the world of psmith by p.g. wodehouse, gaudy night and busman's holiday by dorothy l. sayers, restless by william boyd, travels with my aunt by graham greene, the moving toyshop by edmund crispin and bridge of sighs by richard russo (despite some major flaws)

graphic/comics
laika and death note.
oh, and french milk!

and, even though i don't count picture books on this list, my favorite of the year was i'm the biggest thing in the ocean.

but enough about that. ( the proveribal list, in all its glory. )
happy '08, kids. i'm incredibly tired and loose with plans for tonight. frankly i'm not even sure if i'm going to make it to midnight. yes, this does indeed mean that i am old.

yay! my hulu invitation finally came. commence massive tv-on-the-computer watching now.

also, for the record:
* saturday was like the slowest day at the library ever
* the potato soup was awesome
* i am only working three days this week; one of those is already over and tomorrow i'll be in a meeting (a good one, i think) all morning
* peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don't get enough cred from the over-10 set
* my feet are a little smelly
* i want to go to the movies

saturday morning, before work.

i woke up at six-thirty, which is much earlier than i am accustomed to and i don't quite know what to do with myself. it doesn't take an hour and a half to get dressed and drink coffee.
i do not anticipate a lot of hot library action, although maybe i will be proven wrong.
storytimes are over until after the new year; can i get a "hey, ya" for that? i do like the kidlets, but too much action tends to wear on me. yesterday a father commented, "gee, you have a lot of patience" and i could only agree.

after work i am going to make potato soup, using a recipe my sister sent me. excitement city!
ohio on thursday. color me totally unprepared for holiday action, although i look forward to seeing the family and friends, as well as thrift shopping and eating non-new york food, like graeter's ice cream and chicken and noodles from nancy's. mostly about the latter, since i haven't had it in like three or four years and it is the epitome of goodness. yes, in fact i did time my flight for thursday intentionally, so that i could eat it.

yes, i do spend too much of my time here talking about food.

yes, probably enough time has passed for me to start getting dressed.

yes, i am way more excited than i care to admit about the fact that a new starbucks opened, within walking distance of my house. remember those distant days when i took pride in the fact that i had never been inside a starbucks? it's such a distant memory now.

yes, i am still-obsessed with agatha christie. i was thinking the other day about soon compiling the "books i read" list for 2007 and noting how very much the dame will dominate. but, sadly, i haven't been super-excited by a book in a while, and she fills the space.

yes, you should totally play scrabulous with me.

no, my winter cold will not just go away entirely and i am oh, so tired of it.

no, i do not particularly like my hair right now.

dammit. all the magazines i like fold.

screw you martha! i totally defended you during, well, everything - prison, the apprentice, snark upon snark. and now you think that the audience for blueprint and your stupid weddings magazine is essentially the same? a big whatever to you.

please, please, please people that make media, do not take venus away from me.

what is this snow that i keep hearing about, my pretties? there is none here yet, but it seems like it will be on the way soon and i don't mind that at all. it has been very cold, and cold with snow is a nicer prospect, for the moment at least, then cold without it. just because it would justify it. that makes sense in my head, although not so much when i type it out like that.

today i accomplished a lot of very undramatic-but-entirely-necessary things, like paying bills and cleaning and buying plane tickets home for christmas. tonight i will perhaps accomplish even more. although i might just spend it watching movies and playing scrabulous. only time will tell.

walking home today, i felt very jaunty.
i think because it was foggy out and i was wearing a swingy skirt and a pink hat.
it was nice.

i'm in kind of a mood. i don't know why.
just now i tried to find something on youtube that would make me happy to watch, but couldn't think of anything. i know that i have happy go-to media, but i just can't remember what it is right now.