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Apr. 16th, 2011

wait, this is wrong. if i'm going to make a once-in-a-blue-moon post here tonight, it should at least have some substance, i think. the usual, state of life sort of thing. so let's see if i can do this right. i should probably turn out the lights, to make it much more authentic to the, posting late at night, in the dark in my room aesthetic, but i'm too lazy to go do so. oh, for a clapper! or not.

anyway, the big issues are still the same. after much, much debate and back-and-forth and soul-searching, we didn't end up moving anywhere when our lease expired this spring. it was probably as close as it's come - i hit up a lot of classified ads and even actually applied for a few jobs in faraway place - and not without some interest - but things got a little better and i found myself saying once more, a little wistfully, maybe next year. i still don't entirely love new york or my life here, but it is what it is. and i've been here far longer than i ever expected to be, so i guess i'm entrenched or something. i don't quite know what to make of that fact, so usually i just try not to think about it too much.

i guess you could probably say the same thing about the job. i like, i don't love it. i feel like i should be rarin' for some change, but i don't quite know what it would be. i don't want to be a manager. it comes up periodically and i'm certain that i could do it - i've definitely watched people who are less-qualified and, in some cases, downright bad play the role, but as much as i flirt with the idea, it's flirting because i feel like i should flirt with it, as opposed to flirting with it because it's something i actually want. more and more lately, i've been feeling far too identified with what i do for a living, and it seems like stepping up to a management position would increase that. and given the players involved, it just doesn't seem like it would be worth it. i do sometimes think that i'd like to seque into adult librarianship, because i'm burning out a little in the way that children's librarians often do. not every hour of every day, not even every day. but the instances of getting annoyed and frustrated are more common than i'd like them to be. and part of that is very specific - the specific place, with the specific people, in the specific economic and cultural environment. and since those things probably aren't going to change, then maybe my role should. but opportunities have been lacking. and i don't think that's just an excuse, but it could be.

what else? the boy is good. the same boy, the same good. we've weathered a lot. if we were different people, we'd be married and have babies. but we aren't and that's cool 98% of the time.

i still read gobs of books, although if i'm honest i'll admit that having instant netflix has significantly hampered the number that i get through in any given month. it's just so easy and so fun and i'm not too hip on a lot of publishing trends of the last little while. i did go over to the dark side and buy a kindle, although it hasn't gotten a significant amount of action yet. but that's probably because i haven't had to travel with it yet. i'm told that when that happens, it changes your life. we'll see.

on the watching tip, i've been really all about british mystery shows for the last little while. after not really paying attention to it for most of my life, i started noticing masterpiece mystery! which led to getting many of the earlier episodes of things like inspector lewis and foyle's war. in fact, just last weekend (because i mostly watch them on saturday nights, party girl that i am) i finished up the run of foyle's war. next i'm trying hamish macbeth, because some twitter acquaintances mentioned them, so maybe after i post this i'll see how that goes. unless i finish cleaning the apartment first.

i was also pretty obsessed with doctor who for a while. i might be again once the new season starts, although david tennant is still the doctor who of my heart.

musically, i've got nothing. i can't even remember the last artist or band that i got really excited about. i rarely go to shows. we have tickets to p.j. harvey this week and i don't even know if i'm going to feel like going.

but i go to concerts more frequently than i go to the movies, which is about as often as i post here. 
hi, livejournal!

i finally watched the social network tonight, and it made me miss you.

too bad it won't last.

oh, hello

so, like, wow. this is the first time that i've logged on to livejournal in ages. probably not years, and i think i've made a few random comments recently, but actually going through the friendslist and thinking about posting? a really long time. and it looks like now you can't just keep going back indefinitely, which kinda sucks. and a little detecting shows me that i haven't actually written a post since march of last year, at which point i posted something very similar to what this will probably be.

which is to say, a post in which i exclaim over not posting, a bit of nostalgia, a vow to possibly post more and a quick life update. we've done the first part, so shall we move on to the next?

sometimes, i am very nostalgic for you, livejournal. you occupied a huge part of my life for a very long time and i made some excellent friends via you. at some point, we fell out. mostly it was me, but a little bit it was you, with your ads and your changing ownership and layouts which can seem clunky andyour whole, becoming-an-internet-punchline. but like i said, mostly it was me. i'm as susceptible as the next girl to shiny new toys and shiny new sites (which become old and dull very quickly) and it seems as though my attention span is decreasing with every passing day.

but i think of you often and i miss you and i miss the people who i used to hang with via you, although many of them haven't stuck around either (mad props to those who have). and, frankly, i suspect that you are a better fit for me than any of the new kids. i am prone to nostalgia and navel-gazing and long-winded, text-heavy entries in which i talk about nothing much at all. and, let's face it, when it comes to those sort of things, you are king. for all their immediacy and pretty pictures, tumblr and twitter just can't hold a candle on that front. so you call my name and here i am. and it's sort of like an awkward meeting in which we both say "um" a lot and glance awkwardly down at our coffee and end by vowing to be better about keeping in touch.

which i am totally doing, although we both know it's a crap shoot as to whether or not that will actually happen. i'm crossing my fingers and hoping i'll be okay with the follow through, because i know the onus is totally on me. so we'll see.

and in the awkward catch-up mode, things are okay. even though i haven't made any posts in a year and a half, things haven't really changed dramatically. the big things - job, apartment, city, boy - are the same and the small things change day by day but it would be impossible to share it all. my job is okay, except when it's not. which it really wasn't for a while and then it was again, but not really. now it's just my job and i sort of don't like it more often than i'd like, but am not sure what alternative to look for, especially because alternatives these days seem hard to come by. the apartment is too small, the city i'm sort of over but trying to talk myself into loving, whilst simultaneously fantasizing about moving somewhere else. the boy is good.

i just came back from vacation and it was ninety shades of awesome.

i need to clean and unpack and stop posting random bits on the internet which will soon be forgotten.

i am really freaking tired and i cannot fall asleep.
it is very, very sad-making.
shall i use this lazy sunday afternoon to make my first post in ages? i think that i shall. i have been thinking about ye olde livejournal a lot lately, and it sure beats trolling social networks for things to occupy my interest. was it always this difficult? i think not. a little while ago, justin theorized that as lovely as our apartment is, it is not very conductive to the creative pursuits. being contrary, i disagreed, but it's honestly difficult to fault the evidence. a big part of it is, without a doubt, the fact that it is difficult to be alone in a studio apartment and, generally speaking, i am not very creative with other people around. it's not as though i need lots of space, just, like, a door to shut.

maybe that's just an excuse though. i'm afraid that i'm terribly good at coming up with excueses, even if i don't really want to hear them.

additionally, there is the fact that i don't feel terribly interesting these days. i work. i sleep. i read books. i consume lots of pop culture via the television and the radio and magazines and the internet. but, i assume, so do you. of course, i'm not delustional enough to think that my comings and goings were ever terribly interesting, but maybe i just used to be a lot more self-absorbed? and from that perspective, not wanting to make tons of self-referential, navel-gazey entries is really a sign of growth? i don't know. but, even with my best intentions, a simple state-of-life post naturally morphs into self-referential and navely-gazey entry focused on why i don't write here anymore. argh!

but yeah. i'm good. work is okay, if a little scary in the sense that there's a chance the budget will get cut in july and people will get fired. i think that i've logged enough seniority that i don't have to worry, but it's difficult not to have a few panicky thoughts. although part of me also thinks that getting laid off would be a hella good reason to finally get out of new york. which i think about doing all the time anyway. because i love/hate it here, but can't imagine spending the rest of forever here.

um, i got some tax money back. i'm going to be responsible and pay off my credit cards, and cross my fingers and hope that maybe i have enough left over to buy a new computer. which i need, but don't really need. meaning my computer is slow and annoying, but at least it still turns on and functions okay once it gets going. i'm more of a keep-using-and-complaining-until-it-totally-craps-out sort of girl. but if i have the money now, shouldn't i spend it on the computer, instead of waiting for the crap out, which just might come when things are leaner? plus, if i don't spend the tax return on something big, i'm afraid i will just fritter it away, which i don't want to do. so, we'll see. i'm going to pay rent and bills and things tonight and we'll see what's leftover.

this week, i am only working on monday and tuesday. i didn't make plans for the time off, because my mom was maybe going to come visit. now she isn't and i try to convince myself that i'm going to be a spontaneous-trip-taker - i want to see the abraham lincoln exhibit at the smithsonian - but probably it'll be more staycation style.

now i will end abruptly, because i have no attention span anymore. that might be a factor in things too.
oh, livejournal. how do i neglect thee? maybe if i were were a resolution-making sort of girl, i might vow to be better in the new year. maybe i am a resolution-making sort of girl and i have made that vow, but only unofficially because i don't want the guilt if/when i fall once again into neglect. i have missed you though. yes, i might flirt with blogger and twitter, it's you i always come back to eventually. i am a creature of habit, or something.

in any case, friends i hope you have been well. i do still read and on occassion comment, so i am sort of up to speed. and if you have not been well, i am sorry and hope for good things in this new year. yes, it's corny and essentially just another day, not all that different from the one that came before it or the one that will follow. but still.

and in the grand tradition, which really isn't all that grand, but is one of my little rituals, i offer you the list of books i read in last year, without elaboration. although if you are quite interested, maybe you should befriend me on goodreads, where another not-resolution will be to actually offer commentary. with regards to this list, it's really heavy on the kidlit and mysteries, indicating that i spent the year a) trying to be a with-it professional and b) did a lot of comfort reading. also, as per usual, if features me going on a lot of author-kicks. also, it's really difficult to believe that those "begining of the year" books were read just a year ago. a rather long year ago.

2008 list - sorry for the inevitable typosCollapse )

Nov. 4th, 2008

happy doesn't even begin to cover it.

silly rabbit, lists are for kids

i am alive.
summer reading was crazy, maybe with a k.
i have a lot of mosquito bites.
i dyed my hair pink.
i hate paying bills.
terry gross is the shit.
playing the wii is fun and occupies too much of my time.
i have a lot of things checked out from the library and all my dvds are overdue.
this week my branch is closed, so i'm working in a new branch, in a new neighborhood, of which i haven't quite decided what to think.
my current, unofficial uniform is via old navy.
i like old school british mysteries that no one has ever heard of.
i am entirely too prone to nostalgia.

Jun. 11th, 2008

okay, so i'm not generally one for the whole squeeing, "omg, how cute is this?" sort of thing, but, um ... yeah. this is maybe the most adorable thing i have ever seen. or at least the most adorable thing in a long, long time. it has made me happy all day. i love you, cindrella!

Jun. 2nd, 2008

cake for dinner isn't quite on the same level as beer for breakfast. but it's still pretty trashy.
nevertheless, tonight was the second night in a row. it isn't even very good cake. it's simply the path of minimal effort.
i'm not proud, but at least i can be honest.

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